Sunday, May 15, 2011

Slowly Closing The Valve

Last summer was spent with the outside water spigot wide open. It had to be. There was no choice. The water needed to flow like the tears of that January if I was to expect any kind of healing. I had to drink hard and ride harder. My Wednesday night mountain bike friends group ride suffered sitting on my wheel. I did not follow, I lead. I rode hundreds of road miles alone and when I did ride in my annual group century I pushed the pace to a 22 plus average. Anyone who spent anytime with me would feel my pain and not know why.
I withdrew to just a very few close friends who knew. The rest have been written off and still are.
This summer brings a new challenge, a harsh reality of a trial that will judge someone and ultimately choose to kill him in my name. I do not agree and there is no stopping it, there are too many others who's valves need to flow. I will close mine down to a more manageable stream. I want to focus on a plan, the escape route to the west. The vision quest I've wanted to go on for forty years has come at the time when it is supposed to. I have no religion, believe in no god yet know where I need to go and for what reason. For me.


Hurben said...


occasional drop in viewer.

I may be picking up the wrong thread here, (& I hope that I'm wrong), but I'm sensing that you've been given your 'use by' date.

Sucks really, facing the fact that we're not immortal, in the last year I've lost two dear friends to Cancer, one to an electrical accident & several years ago two brothers who fell off the side of a mountain.

Not to mention the buddies that I lost in combat.

I've had several scares which so far have proven negative but it's shown me that the clocks ticking.

Be happy to talk.

When it's over it's over, drink up. said...

Thanks I'm fine but lost 3 family members to a nut with a gun January '10 wrongest place wrongest time. But my healing has been a remarkable thing and will continue the rest of my (hopefully) long life.