Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Christmas 1939

My work will sometimes traumatize me, especially when I’m in someone’s home around the holidays and yesterday was like being in Austria, but not in the Yuletide, Saint Nicolas, White Christmas sort of way. I was installing a granite sink top and faucet/drain combo to finish up a bathroom renovation while the mommy was trying to teach the importance of giving during this time of year to one of her two daughters but the lesson had missed its mark. Turns out they have a tradition in their household where sometime after Christmas day the children sort through their toys and pick out the ones they have either out grown or don’t play with anymore, then find the saved boxes to put them in and give them to a charity that in turn gives them to kids who otherwise would not have a toy for Christmas. It’s kind of paying it forward for next year and a way for the mommy to get rid of the crap the kids have laying around their rooms. But the youngest daughter, who is around 5, was very upset as she was organizing her toys and agonizing over what to let go of. For four hours I listened to a little girl cry as thought she was deciding which child she would send to the labor camps and which would be sent to die. As Sophie’s Choice played out I was in agony while listening from the other room as though I was hearing it on a radio. The drama, so thick I could cut it with a knife, then when I thought all hope was lost the older sister came to her aid in the form of extra storage in her room. This would allow her to only have to give away some doll clothing and accessories and keep the Barbies she so adored. This sister gave selflessly and now the broadcast I was listening to instantly became Schindler’s List as the two sisters negotiated with their mother the agreement between them. As I turned on the water at the new faucet, watched it pour into the sink and flow down the drain I knew that in this very small part of the world, everything would be just fine.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

The Audacity of Hope

Looks like Julie has raised the bar again this year with the stocking stuffers gag gift. I just can’t keep up and know when I’m in the presents (pun intended) of greatness. So here it is…Hope… on-a-rope, and this year’s religious research.

You might remember last year’s project where Grow Jebus tried to live up to the expectations placed upon him by the packaging he came to me in but was a great disappointment when he failed to reach the size expected. In this years study we’ll see if Jebus can “cleanse your body and soul” while I use his likeness in soap form in the shower on a daily basis.
Will I smell fresh, be refreshed and have all my sins forgiven each time I bathe? Will Jebus cleanse my naughty bits and return my innocence or, dare I ask, my virginity? Stay tuned douche bag lovers for frequent updates on my attempt to wash away my sins one hot, and by hot I mean sexy, shower at a time.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The Baby Jebus is Coming

Just 2 more shopping days left to save the economy. Remember, it's all on us, don't drop the ball America!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Monday, December 15, 2008

25...25 ago

How many unlawful things can you find in this photo?

See, I’ve been there so I know everyone one has to find their own way but the ones who look to others with experience can follow a beaten path.
I just made that up…I’m like fricken Nietzsche or Gandhi or at the very least Roger Waters of Pink Floyd. Ah, the memories or the lack of memories, either way I’m sure I had a good time…didn’t I?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

My Fifteen Minutes Were Up Yesterday

Anyone who reads this blog is most likely someone I know and thus also reads Bike Snob NYC which I also have listed on the links thingy to the right of this page. It’s no doubt Bike Snob is the bench mark of bike blogs (not to say this is a bike blog) so to get some content that is generated from my somewhat bizarre since of humor is, to me at least, quite thrilling and an honor even if I had to expose myself to do it, which is a small price to pay I assure you. So here it is, what’s got everyone talking, my one minute of fame on BSNYC…1x1x1 On A Top Tube.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

I Love a Good Musical

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Monday, December 1, 2008