I Rather Be Red Than Ted

Ted Haggard’s back and he’d like to make a few points.
And I’d like to make a few counter points.

"I am guilty. I am responsible," Haggard, 52, said Friday in a phone interview. "I got off track, and I am deeply sorry and I repent ... I'm moving along in a positive direction."

Well if by positive you mean to convince evangelicals that it’s ok to believe in God and be gay without eternal damnation because this is how God made you then that would be a great start.

Haggard said he isn't qualified to judge what factors into one's sexuality, but still believes it's "God's perfect plan" for marriage to be between a man and woman.

How about this Ted? What if “God’s perfect plan” factors into one’s sexuality by that procreation is between a man’s sperm and a woman's fertile ovary but the raising of a child is between a loving couple or a single person and a marriage is an agreement between two "people" that want to go through life or a part of it together?

"I think sexuality is confusing and complex," Haggard said. "I am totally completely satisfied with the relationship with my wife now, but I went through a wandering in the wilderness time, and I just thank God I'm on the other side of that."

Yes Ted sex is confusing, I’m sure your wife will attest to that. I’ll bet she has no idea what you’re talking about when you ask her if she’d be into a “DP” for the 100th time.

"I believe all human beings fall short of the standards they believe in."

Maybe you have set your standards too low. Maybe you’re above what you’ve been taught to believe.

"The stereotypical boxes don't work for me. My story's got some gray areas in it. And, of course, I'm sad about that but it's the reality."

Welcome to the real world, this aint some bible story.

Haggard said he should have been more open with his family and his congregation earlier, calling his actions "hypocrisy."

Now you're getting it Ted, but don’t stop there, keep looking.

"I would say the biggest change is I now know more about hatred than I ever dreamed, and I know it doesn't help. And I know more about judgment and I know it doesn't help. Since my experience, I know more about the power of love and forgiveness. I know a lot more about the necessity of people not judging one another."

So does this mean that God doesn’t hate Fags?

Haggard described still occasionally struggling with same-sex attraction. Asked Friday whether those attractions remain, Haggard did not say definitively but said he was "not anywhere near" where he was at that time.

You can't help who you fall in love with Ted but you can try and have a healthy same sex relationship this time instead of buying it along with a gram of meth.

"At this stage in my life, I'm a loser — a first-class loser," he says.

No Ted, you’re not a loser, you’re just like everyone else, “there are stars in the sky every night and everything is all right.”